oh my gosh! an update! what is this silliness! first off, I am writing this off my phone kaypad so expect a lot of errors!
and why am I writing this off my phone you may ask? well, because I am currently sitting in a motel in a little Australian town called manjjimup on my first field work job in my new job. yes, that's right, I actually managed to find employment after uni. shocked I know! who knew geography degrees were even useful?
anyway, long story short I was applying for heaps of stuff and they one I really wanted was for a graduate program with company a. didn't get graduate role but they offered me a full time job anyway, which I am livingwoeking with this company is like a dream come true, especially when I'm still technically learning. and getting paid over !55k a year for a grad is also amazing! Wahoo!
have also dumped the boyfriend. I realised that I didn't even really like him. he was a arrogant uneducated moron who thought he was such hot shit (seriously bro, if you say to yourself that you thnk your a good catch ans still ahve high school certificates framed and displayed on your walls when your 25 you automatically arnet.) anyway, I havwnt had much chafe to talk about him because I don't want to ne that girl amongst her friends that just britches about her partner, so I'm going to do it here instead!
their family dynamic was just so epiaclly messed up. he was on of two kids and his mum would always be hugging him and calling him her favorite sob ans being all like, tony, I love you. (like really, all the time.)and then his sister would come in for a hug and his mum would push her away. horrible to watch, like really, etc? your son works at bunninga doe Christ sake and is a massive bogan, gold chains, baggy pants, slicked back straightened hair ans all, he's really not that amazing! ah, ol its good to get that out of my system!
I am pretty much obsessed with going to the gym at the moment. now that I have a desk job I should be doing more ans I'm really enjoying it. four times a week to pump and combat and I now have definable arm muscles! bells yeah!
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When I first got this journal I was in high school, can't remember exactly which year, but it was either year 11 or 12. So that would have made me about fifteen? Maximum seventeen? My Mum had cancer and I needed this place to write down my feelings and emotions and try to make sense of the world. I was shy, unsure of my place in the world, and unsure of my own abilities.
Fast forward at least six years ahead. Mums passed on. Five years this year. So crazy, I still miss her heaps, but at the same time I'm beginning to forget her. And yet looking back through old photos or memories with her in them is still too painful. Maybe it will be easier in the future, maybe not. Time will tell.
My life has just changed so much from then. Not only have the circumstances in my life changed, but as a person I've grown and discovered who I am. I know that to some degree I'm still learning new things about myself, but that will continue right on into the years to come. In particular my confidence and self worth has increased tenfold. Confidence in my abilities, in my rights, and in myself as a whole. In contrast to how I felt as a sixteen year old, I'm comfortable with who I am. And I wouldn't change myself for the world. I used to feel as if there was something wrong with me all the time because I felt that I was different to others I associated with. At that age I didn't particularly like drinking, or dancing, or boys. Hell I pretty much hated social situations non-stop. I had a core group of close friends and that was it, no one else was allowed in. Even in the first few years of uni I would be so shy I would completely reject social advances by others. Of course that made me feel worse about myself. Nothing like sitting by yourself in labs and classes for months on end to make you feel awfull.
I've become so much more independent and outgoing. Although maybe outgoing is the wrong word for it. Less evasive maybe? Part of that may have been from getting my license and thus having the freedom to go anywhere. To be responsible for my own actions and choices instead of saying I can't go out with some people beacuse I had no ride.
Through uni I've discovered my own capabilities. I've pushed my limits, emotionally and academically. At the start of my degree I had the mindset that all I had going for me was my intelligence. Of course then when I started to get bad marks that made me feel absoluetly worthless. But I'm so much more than that. I'm smart yes, but also loyal, beautiful, fun, etc. And you may think I'm blowing my own horn for saying that I think I'm pretty. But for so many years I thought of myself as a horse. Yes I have a long face on a tall body. Thanks European genes! But it is who I am, and makes me me. And more women should tell themselves that they are beautiful, because everyone is. I people watch a lot, it's a fun thing to do, and the only people who I see as ugly are those people who walk around with sneers on their faces and treat others like dirt. It may sound cliche, but beauty truly does come from within.
Anyway, back to uni. I graduated last night from one of the best universities in Australia - ranked equal first in some studies. It took a lot of hard work, but I did it. And I did it all by myself. Furthermore, I did it with a distinction average over my degree. Which, for UWA, is rare. So hah, stick it seventeen year old self, you are smart, and awesome, you just needed to beleive in yourself. And having Dad hug me and whisper to me whilst trying not to cry that he was so proud of me made it just that much better. My Dad is NOT a touchy-feely person. So that was like the cherry on top.
It's been a long journey to get to this point where I'm so comfortable with myself, and I've done some stupid stuff along the way. Like the time when I thought it would be a good idea to become bulimic, or when I made a pact with myself that if I didn't have a boyfriend by 23 I would kill myself because as my eighteen year old self though, there must definitely be something wrong with me if I hadn't had a boyfriend by then. Tchah! What a stupid idea. The attachment of one person to another does not validate a life. It does not make a person better or worse. And not having a partner does definitely not mean that there is something wrong with someone.
Today, my life is fantastic. Sure, I could do with winning the lotto, hell even getting a proper job. But I am surrounded by people I love and people that love me. I have my family. My dad and sisters, aunts, uncles and my (new) brother in law, who is truly like a brother that I never had. I have my friends. Both those that I've known from childhood and those that I've met along the way. I have a boyfriend who adores me. Funny how that only happened once I had truly accepted myself, didn't it? I've had the fortune to both get a good education and travel the world. New Zealand, Europe and the U.K. And there is still so much more to discover. This has been so cheesy. But I think it's time that this journal needs a change. Away from the old rants and into new, happy times. All of the people on my friends lise have helped me, even if you don't know it. I read the posts and they make me realise that everyone is different, and unique, and works in their own way. Even if I rarely comment I lurk, so thankyou! And cheers all, to future discoveries!
- Current Mood:accomplished
I am willing to bet $100 that 90% of the people protesting and whinging on facebook etc have no clue about what it entails. Case in point, I just went on to a carbon tax protester site on fb. Comments included:
a) "We'll loose our jobs."
Actually, no, you won't. In actual fact more jobs will be CREATED due to administration of the tax and ETS. (And do you people even know what a ETS is? I don't mean what ETS stands for, I mean what it IS?) As for jobs that are directly associated with greenhouse gas emissions ie agri, mining etc, they still won't disappear as demand for products will still be there. China isn't all of a sudden going to want to stop buying our iron ore because of this!
b) "No-one gives us the facts, we need to know so we can make an informed decision on whether or not we ant this."
Ok, seriously, the IPCC, Australian bureau of Metreology, Garnaut Review, NAS, etc ALL of them have fact sheets on this. They aren't long, only a page or so, three max. More importantly, they're written in a language that allows even the most retarded, idiotic person like you to be able to understand it.
c) "Gas/petrol/fuel/water prices will go up, the cost of living will get too high"
Newsflash; these commodities have all been rising anyway, amd you know why? Because they have been undervalued for so long! Regardless of whether a carbon tax is implemented or not they WILL CONTINUE TO RISE!
Also, on that note, the gov will subsidize households for further expenses anyway, so what are you whinging about?
Even further, water prices will not rise due to a carbon tax. You know why? You don't release carbon in the manufacture of water. So sit down and shut up!
d) "Julia Gillard is a liar and went back on her word."
This ones my personal favorite. Let's count how many times Tony Abbotts gone back on his word hey? Too many to count. But it does include him stating climate change is "absolute crap" in 2008, which he has now denied is true, even though it is in multiple media formats. Also, Abbott used to be under the Downer party in the previous political era. Ie he supported a tax! Of course retarded protesters don't think about this do they? And even in modern day terms, Abbott is ALSO voting for a greenhouse gas reduction scheme. Granted, it isn't a tax, but it is what they call enforcement policies. This means that companies will be forced through legislation to change their ways and thus prices will rise anyway!
Of course lets not forget that Abbott is the same dickhead who said: "Aboriginals must do the jobs there for them, and if all they are suitable for is picking up rubbish, well then they have to do it" and "women will never reach the success of men in the workforce as they are psychologically, mentally, and academically inferior. It is a proven fact" and "abortion is the easy way out, now wonder so many women choose it, women of today lack morals".
e) "Climate change is bullshit, it doesn't exist, increasing average temperatures are just that, an average, so half the time there are temps below that, ergo we're UNDER average temps for the last 100,000 years, so why is it so important now?"
NO. NO. NO. That is not how an average works in this context! The average YEARLY temperature is rising you douches, not that we're under the average temperature OF ALL TIME!
f) Temperatures are decreasing in Europe and England, the UK just had one of their coldest winters on record, ergo CC is a scam"
Again, READ THE DAMN JOURNAL ARTICLES BEFORE YO
Yes, temps are decreasing, because of the atmospheric and oceanic circulation patterns that are being impacted by CO2 emissions. Also melting glaciers disrupt the thermohaline circulation, thus causing the cold temps. (But you they don't even know what that is either).
g) There's not actually that much CO2 in our atmosphere, it's like 450 parts per million, that's nothing!
Dude, seriously, if I put 45 mls of arsenic in your drink would you still drink it? No. Because it's not how much it is it's how much it is in relevance to it's starting point and WHAT it is as well.
h) It is widely viewed that a carbon tax is the way to go. International and national economists, scientists etc have all stated that a tax will be the scheme that cause the least disruption economically, and the easiest scheme to transcend international borders. And yes, it will need to in the future. Kyoto agreement expires in 2012 and soon another will be put in place. Give it a few years but it WILL happen, and the earliest developed nations prepare for it the better off we'll be.
ok...this has turned more into a rant on climate skeptics.
Soooo tempted to post this on facebook but I know people will slam me down for it. Fuck em!
- Current Mood: enraged
It's changed a lot since it was new.
It's done stuff it wasn't built to do...
I often try to fill it up with wine..
And the weirdest thing is I spent so much time hating it but it never says a bad word about me.
This is my body and it's fine,
it's where I spend the vast majority of my time
It's not perfect,
but it's mine."
For those who don't know Tim Minchin is an Australian comedian who mostly uses piano and music to entertain. Needless to say he's rather well known due to his utter talent. His shows are rather loud, amusing, and well...lets just say don't go if your easily offended/in any way religious.
Anyway, this was the last song he played. It was the first time I'd ever heard him play this. It's so beautifull and heartwarming I have to admit I was crying, which only one other song has been able to make me do. And that's because I associate it with funerals and death. Hell, I think quite a few people, including men, were crying at this song. The start is more of a rant, but from about half way and when he starts singing of his daughter, it's just...
But please, spare a moment of your day, listen to this song. You won't regret it.
- Current Mood: loved
A minimum temperature of 25`c at night? With it mostly hovering around high 20's at NIGHT?
Over thirty days IN A ROW where the temperature is OVER 30`c?
NO, just NO! This is not on.
Get your act together please.
Signed, the ridiculously sweaty population of Perth.
Edit: IT IS 11:30PM AND IT'S 31.7`C. SERIOUSLY, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!
Uni starts again soon, hopefully I will actually graduate this year! I've been talking to a course adviser who has been so extremely helpful. The first year I was so shy I didn't want to meet with anyone about choosing units and just kind of blundered my way through. But now I'm on track to finish a Bachelors Degree in Geography with a second major in Environmental Change by the end of the year, So excited! But at the same time hopelessly scared. I mean, what do you do with a geography degree? I'm planning on applying for pretty much every environmental job and BSing my way through. Failing that there's always honours or joining the army. Although to join the army - in the surveillance branch as I would like - requires moving to Canberra, a very scary prospect! I've also applied for a scholarship to help with uni fees. Man, I wish I had beforehand as well, so easy! Hopefully I'll get it, fingers crossed. :)
I'm starting to worry about money and all that jazz again. Given my uni timetable I'll only be able to work Saturdays, whilst saving to travel Europe. Anyone have any idea what it will cost to travel round Europe for six weeks?
And in day to day life, well, not much going on. I almost bought a pair of heels yesterday. So cute, all black with black ribbon to tie up (like this: . Called a keyhole heel or something? I don't know much about shoes. Didn't end up getting them though because a) I am absolutely hopeless at walking on heels, b) I'm probably already too tall for heels, and c) the combination of the two above factors mean that it would be a waste of money as I'd rarely wear them. But so pretty!
Also have my yearly skin cancer check tomorrow, which is overdue about seven months. Ergh, I hate these. Getting undressed in front of a stranger is just strange. Even if it is a necessity. Here's hoping I'll have the female doc again.
Allright, that's all for now, adios amigos!
The really bad factor in all of this was the wind. It was strong, ie v.v. bad for fires. I started to get a bit scared and so the family went back home to check FESA updates. On the way home we pass smoke/fire. Really, really close. About 5 mins drive from our house. At the same time police, fire and at least four ambulances were screaming around. Cue my sister and I getting home racing around trying to pack all of the important stuff, while Dad of course stays calm and talks on the radio to one of his friends. Men! Cars all packed and FESA have updated that up to Murphy* Street should evacuate within twenty minutes or risk death. There is one street between us and Murphy. At this stage we are completely freaking out. Sure, fires are a part of life here, but never this close, and these streets are FULL of houses.
Luckily then we find out that the local evac centre is at the local hall, about another two streets away. By then listening to news bulletins we learn the gale force winds are luckily headed AWAY from our house. Thankyou God. Jeese, I can't even begin to imagine loosing my house. At the same time I feel bad for those where the fire is going. Over 35 homes have known to be destroyed, plus a school or two. We're still not in the clear, about eight hours after it started it's still completely out of control. In addition the major highway into our town has had it's bridge burnt down, whilst the other way out of the town is in the middle of national park that is on fire. The only way out of the town now is along another national park route towards inland WA, away from the metro area. Therefore there is no way I will be going to work today. Roads impassible is a pretty good excuse I think. And if the wind changes we're screwed.
It's horrible though. There's massive flooding and cyclones in Australias' northeast states, and now out of control fires here. Plus more flooding into Aus Southeast. Man, the powers that be do not like Australia at the moment. And FESA are not at all helpfull. 2-3 hr bulletins are not enough people.
Anyway. The power is back on now, so I'm trying to see if all friends and pets are ok. I know several were forcibly evacuated, with a few who live on Murphy* street aswell. Scary, don't think I'll be getting any sleep tonight.
Not much has been happening again, work and all that jazz, which I will not get into here because you can only deal with so much work related discussion in your life.
But, EXCITING NEWS!!!! Tickets to Europe are booked! Twas $1575 flying Qantas, which, from Australia, is insanely cheap. I'm starting to get so excited for this trip. By the looks of it we'll skip most of the UK due to time constraints, but there's so much else to do. So far on my list is Italy, Sweden, Netherlands, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, France and Belgium. And England of course. I have no idea how I'm going to manage to get through uni this semester whilst constantly dreaming of these places. Oooh, can't wait to see the pretty. In particular I'm looking forward to the Efteling. It's a dutch theme park that has achieved pretty much legendary status in my mind since I went there as a little girl. Picture a mythological themepark with dragons, fairies, and massive areas of old arabian markets. Sounds a bit naff but it is just amazingly put together, the fact that all of my family cherish it from our trip when i was four is a testament to that.
In other news I made the most amazing desert the other day, if I may say so myself. Picture melt in your mouth chocolate flan cases filled with raspberry and white chocolate mouse. Om nom nom, delish!
I've eaten almost a kilo of dutch licorice in the past two days. That's impressive, even by my standards.
But really I made this post because I wanted to - i don't know what to how to put it - put words to paper, help me to sort this out in my own mind, as it were. And hell, if it provides some thoughtfull, insightful dialogue to those of you out there who read this, then so be it. i was browsing wiki the other day (as you do) when I came across an article. In particular this one. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personali
Just...this just pretty much describes me perfectly. I'm talking, fulfills every single symptom on the damn list except for extreme agoraphobia. Every. Single. One. It perfectly sums up how I feel about myself, and how I deal with that, including pushing people away and isolating myself, and then the associated 'fuck-everybody-hates-me-I-hate-myself-a
Hell, even in normal situations it occurs. I remember last semester at uni on the first day of sem. Keep in mind that this is a uni I have attended three years. The majority of people in that unit I knew. And even then when we had to collect class handouts on the first day my hands were literally shaking so hard I could hardly pick up the paper.
I don't know, maybe I'm just being a hypochondriac who's looking too deep into things.
I've used alot of long sentances today. And long words. Half of which I'm not even sure are in the correct context. But hey, that's what uni break is for. Sorry for the long, insecure, emo-style rant. I'll try to be happier next time yes? Yes.